Do These Women Ever Answer Their Fricking Ads?

by Lorina, Moonlit Walks & Other Crap

This one's for all those disgruntled men out there who are frustrated because there's about a zillion of them competing for the attention of a few cool chicks.

It's kind of ironic - the world of personals seems to be divided between the women who get bombarded with too many responses - ones that don't even match what they're looking for - and the men who get a big fat nothing.

Basically, it's the law of supply and demand. There's more men online - especially on internet personal sites - than there are women. Last I heard, there's 8 men out there for every woman. While this sounds great for us gals, we get so overwelmed with responses - both good and bad - that we don't have enough time to answer even the good ones!

This isn't advice on how to get women to write you back, but some things to help keep your ego intact while getting rejected.

No one has written me back!

Now, I know I said I was going to be gentle on your ego, but first, take a good honest look at your response. Did it give enough infomation about you for her to get a good idea of what you're about? Did you give at least as much personal info as her ad gave about her?

This isn't the same as taking a number at the deli counter - you have to push a little harder than just showing her you're interested. There's lots of guys showing her they're interested - you want to stand out as someone she would want as a friend - someone with common interests. Hell, after some responses I've had, I would have been happy with a guy who showed he had ANY interests! In other words, no one line "I saw your ad and I think you're neat" responses. That said, you also don't want to sound like you're echoing her ad word for word: "I see you like sushi - I like sushi. I see you like antiques - I like antiques." Yaaaaawn.... BORING!

I don't know how many times I can stress this - DON'T SEND A FORM LETTER! If you're writing to so many women that you think you'll save time by composing one all-occassion email - you're writing to too dang many women.

And don't make it sound like a monologue. Keep it conversational. Write like you talk... and be sure to ask questions about her, too. There's nothing more annoying that someone who writes a 500 word essay with every sentence starting with the words I and my. "I am 22 years old. I am a student. I have a cat. I like to play ping pong. My cat likes to watch. I drive a red car. My car is fast."

I know all that. I write good responses. Still... no replies!

Well, maybe she found someone else. Maybe it's a fake ad. Maybe she's on vacation. Maybe she placed the ad and forgot about it. Maybe she hasn't gotten around to it yet. Maybe she fell down a fight of steps and broke her arm and can't type. Maybe she got abducted by aliens. Maybe she's in jail. Maybe she has amnesia. Maybe she thinks your ok, but not "it." Maybe she's stupid. Who knows? Don't take it personally.

Ok... I got a response, sent her my pic and she disappeared off the face of the earth.

Ouch. It's hard to not take that personally. But don't let it get to you. One person's idea of attractive is not the same as everyone else's. That doesn't mean you're an ugly troll who has to hide under a bridge and eat billy goats the rest of your life. There's so many other possible reasons for someone to stop writing. Take all of the above reasons and add: Maybe you look like her brother, her ex, or any other person she doesn't want to think about in a sexual way. Maybe she's incredibly fussy and particular.... ie - only dates blue-eyed blondes with one webbed toe. In other words - don't assume it's you.

However, you should also look objectively at the pictures your sending. Are they clear with good contrast and show you in a positive way? A picture of you drunk as a skunk with the guys, or hanging all over Miss Nude World, or in a snuggly pose with an ex, or (the horrors!) dressed up in drag, are NOT going to win you many points with a prospective date. Likewise, it's best to look happy and smiling in the pictures.

So, what can I do to improve my chances?

Only, and I repeat ONLY, write to ads that apply to you. Someone reasonably local who speaks the same language. Someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship. Someone with similar interests/hobbies/traits. If you can't send a picture with your ad, upload one to the internet (most isp's offer free space, or use something like geocities) and send a URL to a picture. Describe yourself in a fun, interesting way. Don't pile too much information on her at once. And don't send repeated messages asking if she got the first one. Desperation is not attractive to anyone.

And, like every person who ever gave advice always says, BE YOURSELF. However, they fail to mention that being yourself won't do you any good if you're a dipshit. So... if that's the case, either change, or find someone who likes dipshits.