Internet Dating Pitfalls

by Lorina, Moonlit Walks & Other Crap

I've heard a lot of people griping that they didn't get responses, or the kind of responses they wanted, from their personal ad. Granted, there's a lot of people out there who will write to anyone, compatibility be damned! But there's also some little things you can do to make you ad perform better. Let's examine a few common pitfalls.

What were you looking for? A person or some body parts? While everyone has physical preferences, and everyone is perfectly entitled to their preferences, not many people are going to feel comfortable answering an ad that is looking for a set of physical characteristics. People want to be appreciated for who they are, not how they look. Since I'm a (big surprise) woman, and read more men's ads and responses from men, I see a LOT of guys shoot themselves in the foot by seeking physical attributes rather than personality.

Here's a hint: Most women don't want a man who is shallow enough to only want her for her body. If that was the case, she'd be satisfied with the guys who buy her drinks in a bar, or even the construction workers who wolf whistle at her. She wouldn't be on the internet looking for MORE than that. Women with large breasts are sick to death of men never making eye contact with her, and don't want a guy who will worship them. Women with small breasts don't want to be part of some guy's pedophilic fantasy of being with a young girl. Women with great butts don't want to be wanted for their butt. Hey... who *doesn't* want a girl with a nice tush? Don't get me wrong... women do want their guys to think they're the sexiest thing since Brigette Bardot, but we want someone to think we're special and unique, and to discover and appreciate more than just the surface.

This goes for women as well as for men, but I haven't seen quite as many women's ads looking for a sculpted physique, or precise measurements. (And the ones who do ask for a specified amount of ... inches ... are most likely fake ads that are fronts for porn sites. Or extremely bored housewives looking for a cyber fling and nothing more.)

Don't be unrealistic in eliminated others. If you're not perfect, and no one is, don't expect perfection. And this goes for women as well as for men. So what if the dude looks like he belongs on MulletsGalore -- he might be a great guy who just needs a haircut and a shave. Sure, we all want a hip, stylish man, but is it really going to take a lot of effort to buy the fella a few new shirts and convince him that he'd look better without that Achey Breaky Heart look? Let's face it, most men (no offense intended) don't have a great sense of style, and couldn't give a rat's butt about how they look. Would you rather a guy who's going to take longer to primp and preen before a date than YOU take? If so, I think I could introduce you to one...

That's not to say you shouldn't seek someone you find attractive! But there's a difference between wanting to find someone physically appealing, and deciding whether or not they're the one for you based on something so superficial as one's chest, haircut, or waistline.

Then there's the baggage factor. No one wants someone with emotional baggage. Well, here's the truth. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has experienced heartache and loss. Everyone has broken up with someone, and if you're an adult who has never had a relationship that's lasted more than a week, then that's baggage in itself! It's not the amount of baggage one has, it's how well you carry it. Some people could have had 5 divorces and be less emotionally scarred than someone who had one relationship with a high school sweetheart. You can't dismiss someone based on what has happened to them in the past, only by how well they cope with it NOW.

And a piece of advice for all the guys (and I suppose the women, too) out there... Even if you DO have a fabulous, well-paying glamorous job, don't mention it in your ad. A lot of women will think you're full of crap, and the rest will lean a little more towards the gold-digger side. If you don't want that little "Does she only want me for my money?" thing lingering in the back of your mind, don't mention it. Let your affluence be an unexpected bonus for the gal who likes you for the size of your heart, not the size of your bank account.

The bottom line... it doesn't matter one bit how many responses you get - how many of them are good, bad, or ugly - it only takes ONE PERSON to make it all worthwhile. It's not about numbers, trochees, or boosts to your ego, it's about meeting the right person.